dear diary...........

I'm in one of those phases where I seem to misplace things every five minutes...wtf...started with misplacing a ring the other night, and now I can't seem to keep track of anything.  One of the things I cannot seem to find is my journal, which i started keeping during my divorce/drama...haven't written in it forever, but, definitely feeling it tonight.  So, anyone who may be unfortunate enough to subscribe or actually read these posts...sorry...

My life is a drama-filled-stress-inducing-exhausting-never-ending-shit-show.

Middle daughter is caught up in this little traveling street vending crew, although she is making some cash, she's leaving her daughter who is only 2 (about to turn 3)...I'm so afraid for this kid, her father has some mental issues and he and my daughter were like the worst mix ever....and sadly my daughter just doesn't seem to have that full motherly connection with this kid.  She is the most amazing, funny, wonderful kid ever and how any Mom could leave this kid for weeks at a time is fucking beyond me.  It hurts my heart.  Jacqui left for a month last time, home for a couple weeks and now gone for another week.  I want to cry for this little girl, she's pure joy and her own mother is not feeling it the way she should/could.  I don't know what to do, this kid deserves so much more than she will ever get from either of her parents.  

Lil' Amy...spent the week, exhausted....but, happy, she is so much fun to be around, so silly, so full of imagination and fun and joy...got her a big-girl-bed this week and she seems to be getting used to it.  This is just such an amazing age, such fun, gahd, she makes me happy.  I wish I could spend more time with her!

Cass - my youngest...15 going on forever...meeting with the school on Friday again to deal with her grades, behavior, etc....they're doing a bunch of testing and I'm sure it will turn out that this kid is so much smarter than she ever believed.  I wish I could reach her, she is such an amazing kid, but, she has no clue and has trapped herself in this little "bad-ass" personality and cannot seem to escape it...so much potential, so much to offer........I so hope she finds it.

I'm sad, so tired, so stressed with work and finances...I just want life to give me a fucking break for once, I'm tired of fighting, tired of struggling, tired of trying...yeah..

Where does the time go?

So, it has been quite a while since I posted something.  Work is insane, and from the looks of it only going to get busier and busier with lots of construction plans for the next year or so...I think i really need a vacation before the shit hits that fan. Two corporate visits last week, one went really good i think the other went pretty much exactly as I expected (ridiculous) and discouraging.  This job has a lot of pluses but, the stress is really getting to me and i may just loose.my.shit.

Just finished up Peter Pan with WCT and another successful run it was.  I was pretty pleased with all the costumes and how it all turned out...next up is Jack and the Beanstalk (a frickin cow costume in that one) and then Jungle Book (nightmare of animal costumes). The kids are just fantastic, the talent is amazing and they really are just great kids.

 That all kept me pretty tied up for the two weeks of production and my favorite little buddy was at her "father's" (and yes, i put that in quotes for a reason), while my daughter (middle one, Jacqui) jetted off to be a street vendor in NOLA for Mardi Gras and then a bunch of parades up the east coast.  I was pretty pissed off about that entire situation and her lack of parental responsibility in all of it....i never thought I would see so much of her father in her, it made me very sad both for her and for the little one.  I took Li'l Amy for the last two weekend she was gone and we had a lovely time.  We played in her room, read books, had sword fights with pool noodles, pillow fights, play-dough (which she calls potato), coloring and just good old ya-ya bonding time.

Plus to that little story, besides the bonding time with the little one, was a couple calls from Chante (my oldest) and dinner with her, visits to hang out with me and the baby...we all did an art project together and it was just nice to have that family time.

Gahd, i love that picture.

I really need to pull it together, figure out what the hell i am doing.....maybe get away for a few days from all of this.  (this of course is highly unlikely to actually happen)....but, it is finally spring, despite some snow today, and that should improve my mood. I'm overtired, overwhelmed, overworked and grossly under-appreciated.
oh, yeah...a Mom.

HARD CANDY....

Today's thoughts on a very affordable brand available at Walmart.....

Hard Candy has very cool, inovative packaging, sort of a tattoo type theme to most of what they have out.  I've tried a few items from them and it's a pretty decent product for the money.

Here are a couple of items I tried includes:  Split personality eye shadow duo, Eye Def glitter eyeshadow, shadow primer, Visibly Wet lip pencil, and Powder Keg pigment in Kryptonite:

Swatches of the above product

Ok, so the eye shadow duo - top two colors...I bought the pyscho black/psycho white duo figuring it would be the most useful to me.  I love the convenience of this item, shadows go on like a cream but, are more sheer than I would like.  The trick to this packaging is twisting a few good times to get the product onto the little smudge applicator.  It states there are 50 uses per end, but, I have to believe that near the end it is almost impossible to get the product on the applicator.  Overall a neat product that travels well and gives you a quick smokey eye.

Next is  the Visibly Wet lip pencil (Inferno) - woah...this goes on with amazing shimmer, nice and creamy...this red is a little more to the orange side than I would normally wear, but, I would definately try this pencil in other colors.

The gold is their EyeDef glitter eyeshadow...and it is what they promise, like a liquid glitter that stays on really well, doesn't seem to wear or wipe off at all.  Applicator is long and a bit awkward but, the tube has a wide opening that you can use a small brush in if this causes too much of an issue.

Last but not least the Powder Keg of pigment, (1.89g) nice shimmery green color, goes on smoothly with the little smudge brush applicator.  Again, inovative product design with this one....slightly messy but, loose pigment just kind of is messy.  Love this color and again, nice to travel with this as when the applicator is in the bottle it is a tight fit/seal.

I've been trying the primer which seems to work ok, but, have not seen it available by itself, I've only seen it in the little kits that are available, or packaged with pressed shadows occasionaly.

So, what do I think of Hard Candy?  Nice product, fun packaging, convenient and easy to use and most of all affordable.  So thumbs up HC!  Check out their stuff at http://www.hardcandy.com/ or at your local Walmart store.  Let me know what YOU think.

More from GS and next New Products....

So, I've talked about Glittersniffer, and actually just received an order from them yesterday.  I had ordered two of the Seuss White, which is amazing and soooooo glittery, as well as one of the random Shampoo bars they were offering.  I was thrilled with how this came packaged nice and neatly in little bags with her Business Card (which I generously share with anyone who comments on my makeup) with a bunch of samples that were so generous they easily filled 3g pots.  Check out the colors:

That black/charcoal (bottom middle) actually goes on like a midnight purple and that pink next to it, is almost nude but a ton of pink/rose glitter in it.

Swatched here over a neutral base (although did not photograph well at night)....

Yesterday I had gone to work with a simple, but, dramatic smokey eye using just Blow and Sirius Black, it looked so amazing, comments all day and a new profile pic

I've picked up a couple things from Hard Candy, which has super cute and innovative packaging/product with a bit of a tattoo type theme, right up my alley :D.........so they are the next on the list for the blog about new product....having my 15 year old check them out too to see what she thinks about it...so check back soon.

FREEZE IT - HAIRSPRAY

How could I not include this product....we've been using it in my theatre group for a while and I've got my youngest addicted to the stuff.  All hairspray is pretty much equal right?  Well not if you are doing some crazy stuff to your hair, either for fun or for a show or Halloween...and THIS is what you need to get.

We used it to create this fun and crazy hairdo's (or dont's) for the Ugly Stepsisters in Cinderella.....and boy did we ugly these girls up, both are very pretty, very nice girls...so I'm sorry for this ladies.

One girl had spikey pieces that stuck out all over and on stage those things bounced around like crazy, careful with that hairdo you could put an eye out.  The other girl had what I nicknamed the fauxhawk and it was exactly that and stayed that way, even under hot stage lights....had the director in stitches when these two came on stage.

Don't get me wrong, this does work great as an everyday sort of hairspray, but, use a bunch of it and you can literally make your hair stand STRAIGHT up....Very affordable and available in most drug stores, Walmart, etc.

Check it out!

Tips & Tricks

I've picked up a few shortcuts and tips along the way, between being rather cheap frugal and having to make things easier with the Theatre thing, so I figured I'll share.

First:  You know when you find that favorite lipstick color and it gets down below the point where you can apply it easily without digging down in with your brush (messy)..well, here's what we have done in WCT do make that process easier.

So, using a little cosmetic scoop or whatever is handy, take all those old lipsticks and scoop up the remainder.  Put each color in a compartment of one of those pill cases available at your local pharmacy.  Once you've got them in there, pop the entire thing in the microwave for about 30 seconds and ta-da...you've got your very own favorite lipsticks in travel form.

Plus then when we do someone's makeup and are really happy with the result we just note that we put M-T-W...or whatever on that person.

If on the other hand you've got a lip gloss or color you just are not happy with you can always take a bit of pigment and modify the color to something you are more happy with.  For lipsticks follow the above process, and mix in your pigment while it is still in a more liquid form as it comes out of the microwave. For lip glosses, balms, you can mix it right in...of course you should check to make sure the ingredients are lip safe.

Made this one using some of my GS pigment and an ELF shimmer lip gloss.  So pretty.

Just venting and revealing.....

Sometimes I guess we all feel the need to VENT and since I don't have really many close friends in RL, I figure I'll just vent it out here.  This one is kind of personal, sorry about that.


So, I'm stressed....maybe a touch of that whole Seasonal Effective Disorder thing, since I frickin' hate the winter and we're barely halfway through it.  I'm soooooooo sick of snow and we're about to get hit with more of that shit tonight.  On top of that, my job seems to just get more stressful, they have cut my staff and therefore more work ends up on my desk, which currently looks like this:

  
I know a gd mess huh?  Some days I'd like to strike a match and walk away.  But, I've got a family and a mortgage to pay, so, I'll keep working and trying to reduce the size of some of the piles....


Kids - I've got three girls, they are the most amazing and frustrating things on the planet.  The early years were not easy, from Battered Womens shelters, crappy apartments, homeless shelters and more that I won't go into detail here about.  Now, life is very different, I own a house (well, technically the bank owns the house, ha) and things are much better in comparison to those difficult years.  My eldest who is probably the most similar in personality to me, has done some amazing things...she spent a year down in Baton Rouge working with City Year mentoring kids down there, she's back now and working full time and trying to intern her way into music promotion...she's the worst driver I have ever known, she's stubborn and opinionated and hysterical...Then we have the middle child, she is a complete tomboy, but, girlie emotions...works hard, drives a big damn truck and has been busy plowing this year.....she is bright, strong, opinionated, sensitive and she gave me the most amazing little granddaughter the world has ever seen, she's now considering joining the Air Force reserves which has me a little bent out of shape, since I may end up taking care of my granddaughter full time if that happens..at MY age?!  Gah!   Then we have my youngest, who is 15, angst filled, emotional, opinionated (I know, a theme here huh) and almost too much to handle..she's so smart, brilliant really, but, seems to have no clue of that, and very little common sense.  She's pushing every button in her desire to grow up too fast and giving me even more gray hair.  Every single one of them has simply endless potential, I hope they live their lives finding all of it.


Finances - <Le Sigh>  This economy has been tough, on everyone...I have a decent job, but, it still barely pays the bills.  After my divorce a few years back, all the financial responsiblity ending up on my shoulders has been a real struggle.  When #1 daughter came home I had the added expense of another vehicle for her, she's paying me back, but, very slowly....and then she totalled that car last week (see bad driver notation above)....some months I don't know if I will be able to make ends meet and I go without to make sure the kids have what they need....that is what Mom's do right?


Social Life - Huh?  What is that again? My last marriage left alot of scars, Ex suffered from what I believe to be Borderline Personality and because of his issues I had become isolated from most people and although I rid myself of him I've kind of stayed isolated.  Tried some casual dating, YUCK...even was sort of in a FWB thing for a little while (that did NOT work)....My tolorance for most people has dwindled, and so the few people I have left to talk to is very limited....so I don't get out much. Although I have my creative pursuits to keep me busy, I do miss having someone to really talk to, confide in and cuddle with.....


I fully understand that the Job, Kids, Finances and all this are the same things that stress out everyone and that I'm not alone in my misery and frustration....does not make it suck any less.  I do work on being happier, finding positive affirmations, thoughts, quotes to try to lift my spirits and some days that works better than others...today is not one of those days...I'm overwhelmed with work and worry and wish that I could just go home, hide in my room and tell the world to just leave me alone.  


So this is my quote for today:  

 That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose.”

Jd salinger

The name

Ok, so the name of the blog...well, a few years back I read WICKED (The life and times of the Wicked Witch) and became obsessed....I've since read the rest of Greg Maguires books and seen the play twice.  Wicked Good!!

I'm also from Boston where we have a tendency to use the work Wicked a wicked lot.


One of the most interesting things to me about the book was the interpretation, the idea that what we know as either good or evil is only that because that is the only version we've been told......interesting eh?


I must have picked up this book at the exact right time in my life, as I was going through a very messy divorce with someone who I believe has BPD, which led to alot of parallels in the land of Oz.  Spent several years on a message board dedicated to helping those who have a loved one with this illness and met so many great people who were confused, invalidated, hurt and alone (until they found the board)....


It's funny to me how sometimes a book or a movie or a person comes into your life, just exactly at the moment you are ready to receive what they have to offer.  I love that!